Am I doing this whole grief thing right?

Truth be told I feel a bit of a fraud at the moment.  Granted I’m not exactly on top of the world bouncing around singing that life is great but nor am I wallowing in a pit of suicidal depression.  I mean, in the Sex and the City movie Carrie lies in a darkened room not talking, not eating, just sleeping for like DAYS and I know Mr Big had jilted her but he hadn’t actually died (and we all knew it would work out ok coz there was blates gonna be a sequel anyway).  It’s been just over a month now since mum died so surely it should have all caught up with me by now and the grief should be wreaking more havoc than a group of WKD-drinking chavs on an 18-30′s bar crawl in Zante?  But it hasn’t and I’m not quite sure why.

Tags: coping, coping strategy, Daddy Bugg, death, grief, mummy bugg, numbness

It’s the heaviest thing in the world & yet doesn’t weigh an ounce

What’s the heaviest thing in the world to carry and yet doesn’t weigh an ounce (or milligram if you wanna be all modern and metric)?

Don’t worry this isn’t one of those crazy mind-bending puzzles in those Deluxe Christmas crackers that are too upmarket to just have regular jokes in.  No, the simple answer is:

RESPONSIBILITY!

Tags: caring, coping, family, family time, growing up, hope, life lessons, positivity, Reality check, responsibility, sisters

I get by with a little help from my friends

Our little family may have got even smaller recently – but that doesn’t mean to say we aren’t still perfectly formed.  In fact I can already feel the bonds between the 3 of us strengthening further.  That doesn’t mean we don’t drive each other insane on (regular) occassion but when it comes down to it, we are down for one another.  If yesterday taught the 3 of us that we are strong enough to face anything, it also taught us that we are only able to be strong because of the love and support of the wonderful people we are lucky enough to have in our lives.

There are too many people to mention whose presence made all the difference; whose genuine love and care is evident just from the very way they behave and the things they know to ask and to think about.  We have had so many lovely messages from people saying it was a lovely service but we couldn’t have done it without these people in particular:

Tags: bereavement, family, friends, funeral, grief, positivity, sadness, sunshine, support

Homesick for my mumma

I’ve been a little quiet on the blog front.  In fact I’ve been a little quiet on the personality front lately.  I’ve just been repeating my go-to phrases of “yeah I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet” and “yeah I think everything is just about under control”.  I’ve gone into auto-pilot, not daring to touch base with my emotions or acknowledge how I feel for fear that the tsunami of grief I know is buiding up inside of me will hit with full force and wipe me out entirely.

Tags: funeral, grief, Missing, mother daughter bond, mummy bugg, sadeness, tears

Stand by me

 

 

‘Stand by Me’ has gotta be up there in my top 5 all time favourite songs of all time.  Yeah, I just checked my iTunes and the ridiculously high play count next to that song backs up that claim!  When I was little I’d often dance around the lounge on dad’s feet, my little hands clinging around his thighs, bopping around to his favourite songs turned up loud – this being a particular favourite.  I loved the melody but never paid much attention to the words of the song because I was too busy concentrating on not falling off!  As I got older (and heavier!) dancing on dad’s feet was out of the question but I remember driving along in the car with dad, us singing along together at the top of our voices.  By this time the song started to take on a whole new meaning:  It summed up exactly what dad always said to us girls – that he would always be there for us, would always sort things out for us, would always be there to lean on no matter what.  It was as if Ben.E.King had looked dad up in the phonebook, given him a call to ask if he had a message for his girls, then took his words and set them to music.

Tags: Daddy Bugg, Memories, mummy bugg, positivity, Serendipity

“And through it all she offers me protection”

Now that ‘Team Bugg’ is down to just 3 members, we are realising just how amazing Mummy Bugg has been not only in helping us with things in years gone by, but also in preparing us for what life would throw at us even after she had gone.  You see it turns out Robbie Williams was onto something when he wrote that karaoke classic because ‘throoooooooough it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall’ Mummy Bugg is indeed offering us protection (a lotta love and affection).

I know … you know … you know that I know … and I know that you know that Mummy Bugg was TOTES AMAZEBALLS in every possible way – it even says so in the paper – LOOK HERE!  But making plans for her funeral over the past week has just opened up a whole new level of shaking my head in disbelief at the strength of the woman I am lucky enough to call my mum.

Tags: death, funeral, grief, mother daughter bond, wake, wedding

The world keeps turning (but I don’t seem to be turning with it)

In a few hours time it will have been one week since mum decided she just couldn’t wait any longer to go and give dad a big old kiss.  (Don’t worry I’m not gonna do a weekly countdown of how long it has been every Friday night – just this 1st week!)  I haven’t missed her yet because my brain still doesn’t seem to want to realise that she has gone anywhere. As you know we had to move mum’s bedroom downstairs when she got too ill to walk upstairs.  We haven’t yet been brave enough to reclaim the lounge to watch tv in.  The sofas are still squashed into the kitchen, her mobile is still on charge, her wash stuff waiting to be used, her infamous eye patch glistening with customised diamantes ready to be worn, her freshly washed nighties still in the ironing pile (although that may be more due to the fact I am so lazy and am taking full advantage of having a reason not to keep up to date with housework!!)

Tags: bereavement, coping, death, grief, happy, moving on, smiles, tears